Shrackner

Welcome, my friend, to my humble home. Enjoy your stay in my poorly littered, dimly lit, tiny little litter box in the middle of nowhere. Though I wish to receive you warmly, I am afraid that I cannot offer you any customary tea at this very time—we seem to have, unfortunately, ran out of leaves. Would you care instead for a cup of warm milk or coffee? With a piece of buttered bread? Or a piece of cookie? Perhaps you would rather enjoy the crunch of exquisite chocolate? Or the snap of salted cracker?

But, ah, if I may interject my own personal opinion, should you, dear madam or sir, ever find your way to my door, I would recommend my finest snack to soothe your appetite. Feel not shy or reserved. Quench your hunger and satisfy your thirst with my personal gift, a sweet, sick delight in its entirety. Taste and welcome my treat with full confidence, for it will surely be an experience like none other.

May I present and offer to you, lady or gentleman, the one and only, Shrackner.